i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
