I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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