I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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