God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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