I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
