At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize