She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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