i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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