Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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