I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
