UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
