he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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