if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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