Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
