Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
