she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
