Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
