Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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