Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
