KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
