and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
