I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
