I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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