At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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