this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
