Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
