Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
