Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize