I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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