we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
