this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
