Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
