Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
