At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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