Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When are your genitals available?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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