I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
