Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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