I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
