i don't like sucking hair
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
