Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
