She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
