..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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