Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
