So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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