I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
