dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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