i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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