It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
