Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
