You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
