I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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