I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
