We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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