At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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