I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
