My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
