This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
