you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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