...so i touched it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
