dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
